Just one of those days

Velcome to zee Blogzylvania unt heya von shall find zis ting called dumbass trying to type a bad impersonation of some sort of eastern European accent. Some types of comedy just don’t belong in text.

Well I was dead and now I have returned (hence the inspiration for the Franken (dingle) Berry intro to this entry.
After a long and trying process I finally took this crusty dusty P O S Neanderthal of a PC and evolved into an upright homo erectus (cracks me up) with some control over language skills, simple math, and some disregard of it’s own bodily functions.
Hardware specs still somewhat resemble the Cro-magnon man but software wise I am a couple years beyond the Y2K scare.
This basically means that I can play at Cake Poker, get support for my OS, use newer media players, and so far has improved the performance of this heap.

Well while I was poking around at CNET’s Download.com I was looking over the games. There is a sub category there called Lottery and cards. I took a look and saw there were a couple of programs for the on-line poker player. I downloaded one called PokerKant. It basically is the same type stuff that you find in Poker Academy. Stat tracker, hand analysis, simulations, etc. etc. This program has a nice little free trial grace period. I barely scratched the surface on it’s usage before removing it. It did however look like an easy interface as well as a functional toy. I just got bored and maybe tired as well as cranky as I ran out of cash and nicotine yesterday right around 11 am. Midnight tonight though the old commission checks hit the bank account through direct deposit and I shall have my Marlboro.

I was a little bored and yet wound up from Nic-fits and tension as I perused the money at poker sites I don’t quite yet have access to. I decided to throw a couple bucks into a micro MTT in the early morning to get the old poker juices flowing. I had been away from it for a few days and was sort of excited by the idea of squeezing a couple cards and tossing my chips around like the spidermonkeys flinging doo doo grenades at passers by their cage that refuse to throw them a peanut.


I roll through the first hour fairly uneventfully. The play was tight on my left and aggressive on my right. As usual I found myself in a bad seat and adjusted my play for it. I tripled up and then progressed to about 5500 in chips . After the first break I had a pretty good read on my table. I did however still manage the two hand disaster. I’m on the button with 77. UTG min raises the 100 bb to 200. It folds around with one caller to me where I make it 600 to go. Sm blind bails like a farmer in hay as well as the big blind. Rufus McDoorknob smooth calls the 600 in bad position.


#ping# This guy had been a calling station most of the first hour. He was a little tight on his hand selection. I figured he had to have unmatched over cards AJ,AQ, or maybe a mild pair 9s to J’s. His smooth call of the raise also had him committing about 25% of his stack. He started the hand around 2400 and I had closer to 5500.


The smooth call caught my attention and when the lame calling station in late position mucked the flop was on. Cha freaking Ching!!! I hit my 8 to 1 long odds set. The flop comes A-J-7 rainbow. I’m not sweating the the flush. I have position and have hit my set.


UTG leads out with a modest but respectable bet of 1000. It was close to the pot amount which usually signifies someone protecting AK or AQ. It’s also the bet that still wants a call from a chaser. I didn’t want to wast much time and was hoping that he had the AK or AQ and would jump headfirst into the pot of stewed donkey I had put on the burner. I raise him back his last 1200 and declare the hand now mine and you just bought a ticket to the rail biyatch. He calls so fast I had to check the hand history to see why I lost. He flopped a set of aces.


Ouch. That was a significant chunk. I still had 30 bbs left and there were just under 200 players remaining. The top 99 payed out so it would be a good idea to just cruise it on in and work my stack back up.


I however had been awake now for the better part of 26 hrs playing self pc tech with the basic pc repair skill of the kid that figured out if you remove the Atari cartridge from the console and blow out the dust and cool it down before replacing it in it’s slop your Pitfall game will relaunch.


I was tired. I didn’t have my peace making tobacco joy. I was sober. I had a position raising aggressive bettor on my right that I had already popped twice for testing me in my bb with his predictable and tired tactics. All of this bad stuff was what lead to oops number two.


I’m in the BB with the ugly 57os. The hand is limped around with 3 callers. The button player changes tactics and folds where he had been aggressive most of this tourney. The small blind I had already pimp slapped twice for testing me. The small blind decides to make it a party poker and join and me with my 57os in terrible position decides take the cheap flop. B I N G O! The on-line special 4-6-8. I flopped the nut straight. Dingus Raisinpot in the small blind decides to lead out on the low mixed flop with an aggressive 1k bet as if protecting top pair from over cards. I didn’t waste time I knew I had him read like as if I peeked his hold cards while he went out to make the yellow( potty).I push it all in.


The Limpington Sloprags all muck as they often do and the action rolls back to Squire Von Thoughtless. He calls without hesitation leaving himself merely 835 chips with the blinds raising the next hand. I then thought oh man this rectal wart trapped me. He shows Jh8h. He called off 85 percent of his stack with top pair J kicker. I gave this anus too much credit. He wasn’t playing the button as much as he was a fool with chips looking to take pots with over bets and play big pots because of his donkish donkey style.


I did then notice one thing. As the 10h hit the turn I saw that I was still basically in a coin flip as there were two hearts on the flop. The ten on the turn completed his flush and I was eliminated about 65 spots from the money.


I played the hand right and he made a very loose and realistically unwise call. He wasn’t really getting the right price for his play. He was getting good implied odds, but in tourney play were you can’t reload playing the implied odds is a high risk venture sometimes. I want to say he deduced that his J8 was good as he flopped top pair with the 8h in hand ruling out that there would be a higher flush draw. I would also like to believe that as the hand wasn’t raised preflop he really didn’t fear the Ace or K flush draw.

The way he played the hand though I have to just realize that I lost to a lucky fish. It’s okay I can justify his play for him because I sort of know what I am talking about. It doesn’t take the splinter from the fisherman’s oar out of the ego, but knowing I made a good play was okay. I should have recognized and respected the hearts. That is why it is important to think before you act. It is also important before you invest money into this sport that you have your faculties with you. The good thing is I only lost a a couple of dollars and 1 1/2 hrs of my day. The bad thing is that can easily happen 20 times when it starts to become routine to take the ease of playing on-line at home for granted and just registering for the next one. All of the sudden your $2 loss becomes $40 loss.

See there Congressman Assington Lickalot I can manage my own personal affairs I don’t need you to be my Moral Daddy.

ahahaha this is great.

LOL!! This thread just made my day. I got caught laughing out loud here at work, WELL worth it!!

Thank you for the feedback. I apologize for the length of my demented expression, but then if it were only 2 paragraphs and to the point people would think I hacked the post from someone else.

And yes snake I was taking my psych meds when I wrote this.

JESUS H. i definetly don't mind reading your bad beat stories.