The Full Tilt Email game

So I've taken to a new hobby if I get tilted. Rather than playing $2 hu sngs, I now write crazy letters to full tilt support to see what they say. Up till now I've kept them poker related. But no more! Today I write them the following letter, which I've adapted from a post I made in the infamous, "Is Online Poker Rigged??? An Investigation!" thread.

Here's what I sent to Full Tilt, and am now taking bets on what the response will be.

Dear Full Tilt:

If you study string theory, then you'll know exactly what I'm talking about here. In string theory, rather than point particle physics, which is what all the old-school physicists unreasonably cling to, there is not this magical zero-sized point in space. Instead, there is a string which vibrates at a particular frequency. The higher the frequency, the greater the energy of the particle, the greater the mass.

Upon further and deeper investigation, string theory predicts various aspects of our world, such as gravity, that no other theory permits. In point particle physics, we don't have any reason for gravity to exist, though we do understand fundamentally how it works. In string theory, a mass-less spin 2 particle is inherent, the graviton, which is the reason for gravity to exist. This alone is a great discovery.

However, because point particle physics was around first, people in general want to believe that is the correct model. Humans do not like the idea that what they thought to be true is not, as is the case here.

In string theory, the strings themselves that make up quarks, which make up the protons and neutrons, making up atoms, are unbelievably small. However, there is an absolute size of small, referred to as the Planck length, about 10^-33 cm. Planck length is symbolized as h-bar, just (h) in the following:

c = speed of light
G = Newton's gravitational constant
h = Planck Length

By examining the units of these constants, one can see that the combination:

Sqrt(hG/c^3) has the units of length. In fact, it is 1.616 x 10^-33 cm, this is the Planck Length.

This is the smallest unit to which we can probe our universe. Strings reside within the Planck length, and therefore we cannot currently physically measure them. However, many scientist dedicate their lives to furthering string theory, and creating hypotheses regarding it, in the hopes that one day, just as Einstein's Relativity overthrew Newton's Gravity, so to shall string theory emerge as the more correct representation of our universe.

Do you feel that string theory will ultimately lead scientists to a theory of all?

Thank you,
HandiCAPEable

THey'll just respond with some form letter. Full Tilt support sucks.

they prolly turn the switch on you

there answear should be interesting ...to say the least.

ya post the response and I wouldn't be surprised if they banned you knowing fulltilt and all their strict bs!

uh...how about grow up and act like an adult

All you are doing is making it tougher on the poor folks trying to get help from an already crappy support group

Tell me where you work so I can come and waste your whole day with BS

I mean...just stupid and no respect for your fellow human

i tend to agree. it is essentially a waste of time......yours and full tilts. if you cant deal with losing, dont play. its reality. everyone loses sometimes. there are plenty of ways to deal with it besides cloggin up the internet with emails that are a complete waste of time.

I don't believe it is a disrespect for them. They might as well treat it as a spam email and just ignore it. But it would be funny to see how they respond to that, if they do. Just don't make it a habit, or they'll end up hating you, for sure.

If I worked in support an e-mail like that would make my day

you started the on-line poker is rigged investigation post. this ones good but that was classic. props. you got me on it. good stuff. did they ban you for some reason?

I've personally sent Full Tilt 3 legitimate emails asking questions, pointing out improvements, and looking for some sort of response. I've never even received a form letter back, despite specifically requesting a response. Given that Full Tilt chooses to ignore the vast majority of its players' correspondence, I don't see how an email of this nature can really hurt anything.

LMFAO

c = speed of light- this is probably how fast they'll ban you


G = Newton's gravitational constant- this here is you be going so damn fast like being in space.


h = Planck Length- this here is the plank your (h) head will hit on the other side of the planetearium

have a great day

LOL,^^^^ great reply Jamile,, couldnt have said it better myself,,LOL,, buck

I have worked at customer support before. We were used to this type of emails, and they made us laugh every time we receive one.

I enjoyed it -- I think they will, too. I hope you get back a thoughtful response from an underemployed staff member who understands this stuff.

For the past few days I have been incredibly antsy and feeling bored with everything in my life. I am ashamed to admit - even poker. I think i need a break and do smth else for a while...so thank you Mase for a great idea - wacky letter writing ... I think i'll avoid FT though and write someone who'd actually might respond...hehe

With a lack of response here, I'm thinking FT is working up a reply that will fit the intent of the OP. Probably something along the lines of a Martha Stewart 'How to make your own black hole' article.

kinda funny but also see why some dont appreciate it/ think you're wasting everyone's time (which you are!)

reminds me of a funny complaint letter I read (became an email fwd'ing classic in uk), so dug it out for you...

Complaint Letter of the Year. The British do have a way with words.... A real-life customer complaint
letter sent to NTL (to their complaints dept....)

Dear Cretins,
I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for
your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During this
three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had
not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity
of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details,
so that you can either pursue your professional perogative, and seek to
rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can
have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working
day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office:
My initial installation was cancelled without warning, resulting in my
spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your
technician to arrive. When he did not arrive, I spent a further 57
minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more
annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful
website....HOW?
I alleviated the boredom by playing with my t..ticles for a few minutes
- an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept.
The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later,
although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools -
such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modem
had still not arrived. After 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks my modem
arrived... six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it.
I estimate your internet server's downtime is roughly 35%... hours
between about 6pm -midnight, Mon-Fri, and most of the weekend. I am
still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 calls on my
mobile to your no-help line, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a
variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly
skilled bollock jugglers.
I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone
will call me back); that no telephone line is available (and someone
will call me back); that I will be transferred to someone who knows
whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off);
that I will be transferred to someone (and then been redirected to an
answer machine informing me that your office is closed); that I will be
transferred to someone and then been redirected to the irritating
Scottish robot woman...and several other variations on this theme.
Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least a
thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of
those crucially important t..ticle-moments to attend to. Frankly I don't
care, it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustration's
in print than to shout them at your unending hold music. Forgive me,
therefore, if I continue.
I thought BT were s.it, that they had attained the holy piss-pot of godawful
customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more
disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to
their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn't
anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered
to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless
shower of bast**ds you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of
distended rectum incompetents of the highest order.
British Telecom - w..nkers though they are - shine like brilliant beacons
of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless
inadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and
foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that
you cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for
the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to
deliver - any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and
disbelief quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps bemused
rage. I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my
cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for
both you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not
become desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the
time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did
not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them
the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and its worthless
employees.
Have a nice day - may it be the last in you miserable short life, you
irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of *****.
John

Actually I finally gave up on NTL (Virgin) recently, after years of arguing with them about their uselessness, but was quite disappointed to discover that BT are just as bad!

Golden

The thing that annoys me about responses from onlie poker sites is that it doesnt seem they take the time to actually read what the person has written to them but just send back some form reply and aattach some persons name to it.

I have only written to the one provider but each time they come back with something along the lines we understand your frustration but its not our problem so go away.

So I continue to write because I am not going to go away!!!

I'm actually really shocked that there are people out there that think writing stuff like this is some terrible immature thing to do. If I had a job dealing with people all day long complaining about the same stuff, I would love getting an occasional crazy off the wall letter like this.

I don't know who's life is so terrible that they can't laugh at things, or enjoy silly letters. How this manages to waste one's entire day also scares me. You'd have to be quite a slow reader for a letter of such length to take an entire work day to read and respond to.

How the study of string theory is stupid and disrespectful toward fellow humans is so far above/below my head that I cannot even contemplate it. String theory uses cutting edge physics, generally relying upon theoretical and perturbational methodologies to further human's understanding of the actual workings of our entire universe. Personally I feel any work in this field is quite the opposite of disrespect toward fellow humans, as if correct, will surely lead to a new wave of scientific breakthrough in knowledge and technology, furthering our entire race.

Can't take life too seriously, or you won't make it out alive 8D

SeanyJ nailed it by the way.



Thank you for contacting Full Tilt Poker Support.

Unfortunately, we unable to offer an opinion on this subject. However, we thank you for your thoughts and the appealing read.

If there's anything else we can help you with, please feel free to ask. We're always here to help.

Regards,

Jason
Full Tilt Poker Support

Dude, why are you wasting your time with Full Tilt? If you want a real reply, Poker Stars is the only way to go. Ask anyone. Or better yet, send them the exact same thing. And don't forget to post it here.

WELL, the reason I opinned it was an immature thing to do?

Do you think? Yeah...if you were the only ORIGINAL thinker who put forth a worthless email for the support staff to read it might be a great idea to break up the boredom. Unfortunately, thousands of email writers have your great idea and clog the system with worthless crap...Can you turn off doomswitch, site is rigged, why is the site against me, etc etc etc etc

Then the same idiots complain when they dont have time to service people properly...God, isnt it bad enough FTP support sucks as it is

So while the individual email is pretty harmless and just a waste of your time---your email X 10,000 just is worthless plus it adds extra work that takes away from serving legitimate needs. Maybe it would be better if you put your obviously lack of anything to do, to a better use. Job???? Homework??? More posts on CC??? Maybe even something the least bit Funny

Best of Luck though...

Dam, I ask FT questions about poker and they rarely respond. Next time I'll ask them what's the meaning of life.

I agree! UB-FT could care less about solving problems.

I wrote Poker Stars a note about how they ensure a true random deal. Most "robo" replies would have said something like "thank you for our interest..." and that would have been that. But the Poker Stars folks actually read my question and replied with the following. I posted this somewhwere else as well so I'll shorten up their reply, but belive me it was thorough!

Hello Joseph,

The actual method we use to shuffle is described in great detail on this page:

http://www.pokerstars.com/poker/room/features/security/

The cards are shuffled and then they are dealt as it happens at the brick and mortar poker room. There is no reshuffle or anything really happens on the fly.

Let's cover that in detail, step by step, from the "Shuffle Highlights" section:

> We use 249 random bits from both entropy sources (user input and
> thermal noise) to achieve an even and unpredictable statistical
> distribution.

So, to shuffle a hand, we take 249 truly random bits from the thermal source, and 249 truly random bits from the aggregate mouse movements -- two truly random (not pseudo-random) sources.

> We use the SHA-1 cryptographic hash algorithm to mix the entropy
> gathered from both sources to provide an extra level of security

....................... Please let us know if you require assistance with anything else.

Douglas
PokerStars Support Team

I found this cool number on that site link you posted
80,658,175,170,943,878,571,660,636,856,404,000,000 ,000,000,000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000 = number of possible shuffles

Okay, here's the thread I was thinking about when I posted to ask Poker Stars. Can you beat this?
Stars Support is Amazing

I can appreciate what WEC is saying this. They don't hire new people everyday, and stuff like this must impede on the progress of the resolution of real problems. Everyone likes a little pick-me-up in their day, and deserves it, but too much of a good thing would just be...bad.

Yeah...didn't mean to come off as a personal attack...but it just irratates the hell out of me when people write these emails.

It just doesnt help us...or the way people look at poker players in general. It certainly contributes to the extremely poor image that poker players portray in real life and online.

I guess I came up with a suggestion in the meantime. If you have to write emails...make a daily dose to your congressman, Senator etc to make poker legal and free for Americans.