Recently, I’ve been completely uninterested in playing poker. I sit down, ponder opening Stars, and decide against it. Some of the times, I end up surfing for 30 minutes before getting bored with that and just doing something else. Some other times, I play Civilization IV for hours on end (that’s a great game!) That’s not so popular with my fiancée, admittedly, but it’s fun nonetheless.

Why don’t I play? A combination of reasons. The weather for one. Spring has arrived with full strength and it’s a shame to spend my time in front of the computer. Of course, we’re also moving to our new house in two days. I’ve said enough about that for now, although I’ll try to get some pictures once we’re settled. These two things combined with a high tempo at work means that most days, I’m simply don’t have the energy to play.

That’s not really it, though.

There are two other reasons that I don’t really want to admit to.

The first, the lesser one, is that since I already know that I’m not going to be able to fulfill my goals of keeping Platinum status at Stars this month, it’s not as important for me to play. I’m goal-driven. I won’t make this goal on the targetted date, so I’ve now grown disinterested in it.

The second, the ugly one…

… I hate this one… 

… is that I’m afraid to lose. That’s what stops me right at the point of clicking on the PokerStars icon. At that point, the weather, the new house and the disinterest in the goals, they don’t matter. Only the fear of booking a loss. And ultimately, that fear is what makes me either click or not click.

This morning I clicked. I played 200 hands and felt pretty good about it. Won $17 (whoop-dee-doo!) and was mostly happy that I didn’t end up in the red. Maybe I’ll dare to click again tomorrow morning.

After that, I’ll be busy moving and will have an ostensible* reason for why I don’t play.

I’m such a wuss.

/FP 

* I recently learned this word. This was my first attempt at using it in a sentence. How did I do?